The Nightowl Newswrap

By BG & YD

• Empirical data shows that our one remaining vice has a strong virtue We admit it. We are caffiends.Coffee is our last vice. We drink it all day every day, and when our doctors told us to cut back on how much coffee we drink we told them to fuck off, they had already taken every other god-damned thing we ever enjoyed away from us, they weren't going to take coffee, too. The next time the little weasles mention it, we're going to point them to this long-term (14 year) longitudinal study conducted by the National Cancer Institute and published in the current New England Journal of Medicine that showed people who drank 6 or more cups of coffee a day were less likely to die during the study period than any other cohort.

• A Medal of Honor awarded, 42 years after it was earned by a 22-year-old soldier from Pennsylvania who gave his own life saving the lives of other soldiers in his unit. The paperwork was submitted in 1970, following the battle that claimed the life of Leslie Sabo, but it was lost in a file until 1999 when a reporter found the paperwork while doing research in the National Archives. Thirteen years later, the oversight was corrected and his widow has his medal.

• Stop being hysterical and histrionic. You're obviously upset because your hormones are out of balance. There's no war on women, you're imagining things. Just because the House wants to weaken the Violence Against Women Act and strip Native American women, undocumented immigrants,  immigrant women married to abusive Americans who want to leave their abusers and transgendered women of it's protections doesn't mean a thing...

• We're betting that Brownbackistan goes for laws controlling women's attire next session. If a pharmacist in Kansas thinks you might be slutty, he is under no obligation to fill your prescription for the Pill.

• Cue the cries of "activist judge!" U.S. District Judge Katherine Forrest has stayed the indefinite detention provision of the National Defense Authorization Act, finding it in violation of the First Amendment. Her stay accompanies the signing statement of the President, which stated that it doesn't apply to Americans.

• Count us in that number. Polling shows that 74% of us want the feds to stop busting medical marijuana dispensaries. Presumably the one-in-four who oppost it are dealers who don't want their cash cows sent to the rendering plant.

• If we were related to this asshole, we would disown him. A 350-pound Wisconsin man who was cut off after 12 pieces of fish at an all-you-can-eat buffet and given eight more pieces to take with him (for a total of 20 pieces of fish) was so pissed off that he not only called the cops, but he is now protesting outside the restaurant once a week, accusing them of false advertising.

• We've got a pretty good idea how this went down...a parent was upset over some ridiculous policy that her child's school has that her kid got in trouble for. She went to the office to complain and voices were raised. The "resource officer" (an off-duty cop with a subprime mortgage or hefty child support to the first wife, or both) got involved. He told the woman to calm down and lower her voice, and she stormed off. He felt disrespected and followed her, probably telling her to "get back here" and do as he said and respect his authoritah. She didn't, and outside the school he tased her. Twice.

• O'Keefe's track record remains perfect -- as in every single one of his expose videos have been exposed to be faked; heavily edited, and fabricated...In his latest he supposedly catches two individuals in the act of voter fraud, voting while not citizens. Except both of them have beren naturalized, one of them decades ago. So how long will it take for the M$M to stop giving this little fucker the benefit of the doubt and realize his credibility is as dead as Breitbart who spawned him?

• Finally, the most evil motherfucker of the whole Bosnian genocide goes on trial. "The trial of General Ratko Mladic, the former Bosnian Serb army chief accused of orchestrating war crimes and a campaign of genocide, has begun at a special UN court at The Hague in the Netherlands. Prosecutors at the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia made their opening statements against Mladic on Wednesday almost a year after his arrest in Serbia and subsequent deportation after years on the run."

• Accusing his opponents of the crimes he has committed himself - is Assad taking lessons from RMoney? "Countries that "sow chaos" in Syria could suffer from it themselves, President Bashar al-Assad has said in an interview shown on Russian television."

• Yet another country not called the United States facing up to the crimes of its former leaders. "Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff has sworn in the seven members of a truth commission created to investigate human rights abuses committed during the nation's long military dictatorship."

And finally...

• Keep the price down, and there will no longer be any excuse for not getting tested. "Over-the-counter HIV tests that would allow people to check in the privacy of their homes if they have the virus have moved a step closer in the US. A panel of experts said the OraQuick In-Home HIV Test was safe and effective and its potential to prevent infections outweighed the risk of false results. The Food and Drug Administration will decide this year whether to approve it. The 20-minute test is 93% accurate for positive results and 99.8% for negative, the manufacturer said. HIV affects nearly 1.2m people in the US, with 50,000 new cases each year."

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