The Nightowl Newswrap

post from They gave us a republic... - Front Page on 10 May 2012 01:00:00 AM. © They gave us a republic... - Front Page

By BG & YD

Need help packing, Shelly? @MicheleBachmann has been granted dual Swiss citizenship. Wait til she gets a load of THAT tax rate and finds out about the healthcare system. She'll plotz.

Please, we don't ask for much, but we really want Karma to set up an occupy camp on this fucker's front lawn...Tony Perkins, the anti-gay activist and religious nutcase, told Piers Morgan that **his** kids won't be gay, because he is teaching them "the right ways." You know, like that Mike & Ike candy is evil because the candies are gay. Or something.

Pat Robertson is fervently trying to pray away the gay. On Wednesday the teevee preacher asked gays and lesbians to pray with him that the gay would go away so they will stop "displeasing Jesus" and being abominations and stuff. Even though there is not one single word in the New Testament about homosexuality. There is a lot of stuff about helping the poor and comforting the afflicted - maybe he should ask the republicans to pray with him to mend their ways that actually would offend the historical figure we know as Jesus.

#FAIL A school in Ft. Worth, TX has given itself a failing grade after it was pointed out that it has misspelled its own name for over nine years.

No, the Doughy Pantload has never been nominated for a Pulitzer, in spite of what the bookjacket of his latest screed claims. His work has been submitted a couple of times but that's as far as it went for Jonah Lucianne Goldberg; no nomination has ever been forthcoming.

Massachusetts Democrats file ethics charges against Scott Brown, claiming the junior Senator violated ethics rules when he had his office staffers shoot a campaign video for his reelection bid. That's a no-no.

Excellent. Pass it in California, and then do the same thing in the other 49 states. California is on the verge of becoming the first state in the nation to outlaw "gay conversion" therapy for teenagers who come out to parents who flip out and fail their children miserably by not loving them unconditionally.

Austerity kills. Italy is in the midst of a suicide epidemic as people unable to cope with the loss of jobs and livelihoods are killing themselves in record numbers as the economic downturn grinds on and gets worse under harsh austerity measures.

You knew this was coming The pearl-clutchers and intelligence-sinks at FauxSnooze - who spent weeks on end whining about gas prices and how they were Obama's fault, are now whinging about falling gas prices and wondering aloud if the price falling at the pump is "a bad thing."

Germany and the EU better get down off their fucking high horse and bail out Greece with livable terms because right now it's headed at high speed for fascism - and that will hurt everybody. "Greek political parties have failed to form a viable government amid warnings by creditors that a loan to be paid on Thursday could be the last if the country failed to honour repayment commitments."

What's the matter with Algeria? No Arab Spring revolt, just mass apathy. "Algeria is gearing up for parliamentary elections, which authorities have pledged will be the freest ever. Nearly 22 million Algerians are registered to vote for 44 parties, half of which were just legalised this year, for a parliament that President Abdelaziz Bouteflika promises will have a say in rewriting the constitution. But after decades of repression and rigged contests, turnout in Thursday's vote may not surpass the 35 per cent seen in the last elections in 2007. Algeria's youth, who account for close to three quarters of the 37 million inhabitants, looks set to abstain en masse amid fears over the vote's credibility and deep distrust of the political class."

This is a bad sign, not that we had much hope for a UN mission in Syria anyway. "A roadside bomb struck a Syrian military truck near Deraa, wounding six soldiers just seconds after a convoy carrying the head of the UN observer mission passed by."

And finally...

Headline of the Week: "Turtle Dove Rescue Mission Begins" "Conservationists are embarking on an urgent mission to save one of the UK's most threatened birds from extinction. The three-year project, led by the RSPB, will aim to reverse a decline in the population of the farmland birds; the species is deemed the most likely bird to be extinct in the UK by 2020. The turtle dove population fell by more than 90% between 1997 and 2010. Part of the project will aim to restore plants that the birds feed on to the countryside. The birds' diet consists almost entirely of small seeds from wild plants, which grow among crops. Changes in farming practices in recent decades mean these wild flowers - including vetch, fumitory and clover - are now scarce. As part of the project, the team will work with farmers to plant these seeds on their land."