Randomness: American Style

post from The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks! on 04 July 2009 03:49:00 PM. © The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!

Happy Birthday America!

Closed for the Holidays - The only place in America that doesn’t hold a Fourth of July Sale.
What’s Up With That Sarah? - Her resignation isn’t the only problem Caribou Barbie faces.
Safe Fireworks - Hey, let’s be careful out there tonight.
Dog Rockets - There’s nothing like some grilled wieners for the Fourth of July.

WTF?

Why IE Really Sucks - No wonder IE is such a memory hog.
Smells Like Ass - Margie got a new job as a product tester, but found she had low job satisfaction.
Now There’s a Shocker - I’m waiting for the Mark Sanford tape myself.
I Fart in Your General Direction - Pepe LePeu lives!
A Buttload of Butts - And, there’s no ifs ands or butts about it. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
Bachelor Number 3? - What do you do in your spare time?
Low-Rent Bar Mitzvah - This guy really should’ve hired a more experienced mohel.
AMI - The official organization of Simon Legree.
New Release - Now, from the producers of Chariots of Fire and the Chicken Dance comes a new movie sure to be nominated for Best Picture of the Year.
Real Estate Market Tanks - …and now we know why.
Eye See You - The new procedure is recommended by the American Dental Association and The British Opthamology Institute.
Extreme French Kissing - Scientists studying the condition confirmed that several of the young girls wore window shades in their mouth to control the problem.
Dead Ho Walkin’ - Sluttiness is next to Godliness.

Obligatory Japanese Posts

Curiously Strong - I have at least five cups daily and I feel like WOWSA!
They’re on a Roll - Toyota’s newest high mileage hybrid hits the market. They call it, “The Thinking Man’s Hybrid”.
Blood on the Highways - The Japanese driver’s education department released a new training video.

True Crime

Peek-a-Boob - “But officer, I had to put it somewhere!”
Marking His Territory - Thomas went to great lengths to piss Mabel off.
Twitterless - After authorities confiscated William’s cellphone he was reduced to using something else to check his email.
Bad Day at Jellystone - Yogi gets a bit cranky when Boo Boo is late with the pic-i-nic baskets.
Alcatraz Escapee? - Police were caught a little red-faced over the criminal that stole their harbor patrol boat.
Itsy Bitsy Spider - Spiderman cops to domestic abuse plea.
30 Days on the Country Jail Dairy Farm - Corn pone cow porn.
Holy Sh*t! - It’s heart-warming to see a mother and daughter with such a tight bond.